EXTENDED FOREPLAY
This kind of “lovemaking” then becomes like an extended foreplay both know will end in lovemaking some time in the near future.

If you run your intimate life in this way, lovemaking takes on a rather different level of importance. It is now no longer the be-all and end-all of the intimacies you share. This means that you will cope better with the ups and downs of your sexual appetites and, mutually attuned, detect sexual interest early and know how to act on it. Then, when you do have intercourse it is much more meaningful because it takes place against a background of loving interest in one another.

Not only are inequalities and variations in sexual appetite better coped with, but the occasional failure, rather than becoming a disaster, is kept in perspective because it is understood that the relationship has far more going for it than whether or not genital contact is always good.

SECRETS

Lovers of longstanding sometimes find they communicate without words; they seem to know what the other is thinking and feeling. Shared secrets help to make this a secret society. The woman may whisper to her man while they are on the dance floor, that she’s wearing his favourite underwear, for example. “Accidentally” touching your lover’s body in a certain place or in a particular way can have a devastating effect. Some couples can achieve the same impact with just a look.

Many couples have a private language, that they use even in front of others, as they tell one another about their feelings, arousal, or their anticipation of erotic things to come, which all add to the excitement. All of this makes such a couple much less likely to suffer from jealousies because they flirt with each other and look to one another to answer their needs. They do not then see members of the opposite sex as threatening because they know that what they have between them is vastly more valuable than anything a quickie relationship could offer.

If all of this seems nothing more than a fantasy to you, there are ways of improving things: Start of by going back to courtship behaviour; many couples have never really courted – taking every opportunity to show love in different ways. Give one another presents for no reason. They don’t have to be expensive; it’s the thought that matters; kiss more; telephone to say, “I love you.” Leave love-notes around where they’ll be found by your lover; go out with one another as if it were your first date as teenagers. Really try to please one another as if you were just starting to date. You may be surprised how much you’ve taken each other for granted over the years and how stale the caring and love for one another has become.

It is helpful in any loving relationship to remember to bear in mind the airline motto “we never forget you have a choice”. There are many couples that let things slip, perhaps year after year, becoming more and more lazy and thoughtless only to find when they go back to courtship they’ve all but forgotten how to deal with one another in this way. As with so many things in life practice makes perfect and over the weeks you’ll become more proficient at courting one another. With luck and effort, the combination of making courtship a priority, and your increased experiences of life, will reap you a far richer harvest than would have been possible when you were first going out at the beginning of your relationship.

SENSUAL HOLIDAYS

One of the most fruitful ways of making all this happen is to organise sensual holidays. A sensual holiday can last from an evening to a weekend. The main purpose is to get away from your normal day-to-day routine both in and out of bed and to really court one another.

You can prepare for the holiday beforehand to get best out of it. Ideas include: the uses of herbal aphrodisiacs such as ginseng, yohimbe; breakfast in bed; one sensual massage; lovemaking in an unusual place; a novel type or position of lovemaking you know your lover would like; or an evening devoted to your lover’s every whim. Each couple will have their own ideas as to what suits them, or they’ve always wanted to do.

Send your tokens some days before the holiday so your lover has time to prepare (if necessary). This also helps build up excited anticipation for the holiday. Remember, none of this need be expensive – the whole thing can take place at home with perhaps a special dinner or outing just for the two of you. Whatever you do and wherever you do it, the main thing is to give yourselves over to one another totally and to aim to do things that please and delight. Talk about it afterwards to see what worked well and what didn’t. It’s best to take it in turns to arrange such holidays so each lover has the opportunity to call the shots and decide what they want.

MASSAGE

Sensual massage is a wonderful way of lovemaking without intercourse. This form of loving contact is often underestimated. There are few things a couple can experience together that allow them to be more in touch with themselves, and to communicate at every level than a loving, sensual massage. Whether or not this becomes an erotic massage is up to you, but even if one does lead to the other you still don’t have to end up having intercourse – you could stimulate each other or simply cuddle and kiss.

FULL BODY ALERT

Sight, sound, smell and taste are powerful aphrodisiacs – exploit them to the full. Right from babyhood most of us use fewer of our senses than we might. In learning to please one another without intercourse it can be helpful to look at how each sense could be better used to serve lovemaking. Here are some ideas:

THE POWER OF AROMA

Use perfume, perfumed soaps, scented oils for massage, burning joss sticks, flowers, room perfumes, and anything else (not all at once!) that helps enhance your sense of smell. Remember, if you perfume yourself too heavily you’ll mask the natural odours that are such a turn-on for your lover. Make sure you are clean and washed but not so squeaky clean your natural smells are obliterated. Learn, perhaps for the first time, how each part of your lover’s body smells.

SOUND EFFECTS

The lover’s sound can be delicious as you make love. The little groans, sighs and moans that say “I love you” are all valuable cues to how things are going. With the lights off, learn to recognise how your lover’s sexual arousal cycle is progressing just by sound alone. Take a delight in the sounds of your bodies reacting with each other. Use beautiful music to accompany lovemaking.

ACQUIRING THE TASTE

Get to know how your lover tastes by licking all over. Taste mouths, faces, sweat, genital secretions and so on. This is intimately tied up with the smelling exercise since taste and smell are so closely interlinked. Experiment with all kinds of tactile sensations using not only your bodies, but also foods, clothing, vibrators and so on.

You may be aware that there are lots of wrong ideas about giving a woman an orgasm. The question is still there, which one is true? There is also the myth that women need more time to reach orgasm, although this has not been proven by scientific research. The reason behind this myth regarding giving females orgasms and the prevalence of this belief is that people fail to grasp the arousal trends in females.

Female arousal trends contrast greatly with males, and as a result they are physically ready for sex after males are. The timespan between maximum arousal and orgasm is in fact roughly the same for men and women.

The contrast in males versus females is the amount of time needed to attain that degree of arousal. Arousal can take longer as it is common for males to be unaware of how to correctly facilitate the process. This misunderstanding has caused many women to be frustrated in their sexual experiences, because their partners could not offer proper arousal and the women failed to ever reach orgasm. After a mate figures out the right way to arouse a female, the timespan needed to bring women to orgasm is relatively brief, including multiple orgasm.

The belief that women can achieve an orgasm only with vaginal intercourse is false.

Sigmund Freud began the myth due to his recognition that women often achieve an orgasm with clitoral stimulation only. Freud disregarded the stimulation as immature and thought it is important for girls to be more mature sexually by focusing only on vaginal intercourse to get to orgasms.

The fact is that the way the vagina is made is not ideal for bringing females to orgasm. The large number of nerve endings that are found in the clitoris and in the tip of the penis are not found in this region. Freud’s belief that women who did not achieve orgasm through vaginal intercourse had a mental disorder was unjustified and led to a myth that has long prevented women from obtaining their sexual potential.

Many different techniques were invented to try to free ladies from relying on the clitoris for sexual pleasure. It has been only a couple of decades that open discussion could occur about women’s enjoyment of sex and her right to achieve orgasm by a method of her choosing.

Approximately 20% of males confessed they had pretended to have orgasm with their mate. They fake orgasms for the same reason women do: so that they don’t disappoint their partner. Orgasm is not something that can be taken for granted in a relationship. Certainly masturbation nearly always leads to orgasm since we are aware of what is effective with our own bodies.

Our sex partners need to figure out what turns us on gradually, and most importantly, with the female’s assistance (via honest communication with her mate). Women may believe that faking an orgasm is good for a relationship however it isn’t the answer for either the man or the women.

One of the goals of Tantric sex is to stimulate the endocrine glands to produce more hGH, serotonin, DHEA and testosterone. These hormones help improve sexual health, promote the flow of blood through the body, take out the trash (toxins, that is) and strengthen the nervous and immune systems in order to increase the overall health. A person who’s into Tantric sex feels healthy and rejuvenated without the use of substances or devices. Sex is quite enough to bring about these changes in a person. However, one must know how to engage in sex and what to do in bed in order to achieve this healthy state.

Practitioners of Tantric sex claim that it has a rejuvenating effect on men and women, improving sexual health and altering the body’s chemistry by means of brain waves. Frequent and powerful orgasms are a sure way of changing somebody’s mood and of relieving anxiety and depression. All the maladies plaguing the modern mind (such as stress, depression and lack of confidence) can be cured by having sex more often and by experiencing better and more orgasms. And along with these problems of the mind, one could easily get rid of other problems.

Women are interested in Tantric sex because the stressful lifestyles of today take their toll on sexual health. Tired and stressed people are in no mood for sex and, thus, have a bleak view of life and suffer from more conditions than happy people. Although we cannot know for sure, there is a fair chance that many frigid or unhappy women could live far more satisfying lives if their lovers really knew how to take care of them. One of the targets of Tantric sex is to take this unhappiness and turn it into a positive mindset using the body’s own resources.

Men, on the other hand, can have a lot of fun with Tantric sex, especially since it also focuses on improving erection and ejaculation, the two pillars of sex for men. Sexual satisfaction also results in a huge boost to self confidence, which is very likely to trigger a reinforcing psychological pattern of successful performance and increased confidence. A man who can give himself and his partner a couple of strong orgasms on a regular basis is a happy and healthy man. Not to mention that his partner is also bound to enjoy a positive view on life and a general feeling of healthy living.